Well, let’s get this ball rolling, shall we? Now that I know that my posts here will be duly responded to, I find it far more encouraging to write something in the first place. All these blogs, so much pressure! I really find it hard to think of enough interesting things to say. Without, of course, referring to the work or inspiration of others. For the moment, I have little more to say than bravo to Jubilation for having brought this thing back to life, resurrecting it from its slow and unkind death over the last few months. But now that its spark has been rekindled, the onus is now on both of us to maintain it. Eh, Jube?

Just to start the ball rolling, I decided to sift through some old logs and see what I could find, the below was the result.

V: So… bitter, eh? What brought that on? You’ve been some other mood for months and months now. J: bitter? J: did i sound bitter in that comment.. i didn’t mean too.. V: No, on your page… your mood is ‘bitter’. It was something far more neutral last time. J: oh ok.. yeah i’m not bitter any more actually.. apparently it as a bit of a missunderstanding in the end that brought that mood on.. V: Okay. *raises eyebrow* J: and about it being another mood for ages and ages.. its not really acuarate you see.. i don’t change it very often, because its one of the the things my mother takes note off.. so i tend to pick a happy mood for her to read hehe J: i shall change my mood now actually, thanks for pointing that out to me J: my mother will start to worry if i leave it like that for too long V: Haha… of course she will. And some of your friends. You’re not, after all, a very bitter person, all in all. I’m sure if I had bitter as my mood few would be surprised, but I, for example, would expect something a little more… chipper, from your good self. J: oh for someone as chipper as myself, i’m pretty miserable alot.. heh V: Haha… I suppose that’s true. J: i’m still rather bitter about alot of things, and lack faith in humanity.. all this chipperness and nice out look on life takes a shit load of effort on my part J: i have to consiously make my self happy alot of the time, which probably sounds strange.. but yeah i really work hard to fnid tghe good in things, and try to enjoy everything the best i can J: its hard work heh V: That’s good. And I do know what you mean. I’m pessimistic about the world for the same reason you’re optimistic about it. We both want the world to be good: you expect it to be. I don’t. I’m not sure either of us is really right, and I don’t think it’s particularly easy for either of us to be made happy by the world, either. J: yeah.. its not that i expect it to be.. its more of a « well i’m gunna damn well make the best of it » V: Well, good call, I say. J: plus i do’t think its up to anybody else or the world around me to make me happy.. J: only i can make me happy.. hense my motto « choose to be happy ».. otherwise i’d jsut be miserable all the damn time J: plus i try not to expect great things.. its in the little things.. like good deeds, and snow globes, and a saxaphone playing under the concert hall down in south bank ecoing in the night throught the beautiful lights of melbourne.. J: V: Fair enough. I think my motto would be « choose unpredictability ». That way nobody expects me to be happy, nor do they always think I’m morbid. I can just deal with things as they come, and people who don’t like me can get fucked. J: good call J: i have a simialr thing with in my philosophy as well.. V: Ahh, yes. The little things. I think I expect more from the little things than the big. Big, blustery events don’t get my attention. It’s the subtle, slight things that attract my attention.  Like the eyebrow growth products reviews I had to work on last month. J: its not about other ppl, its about our selves.. V: Uhuh. Besides, I don’t give a stuff about many other people anyway, *grin* so it fits well with my self-absorbed existence. J: yeah its all in the little things i think.. you gotta stop and notice things once in a while.. be like a child and remember to look up.. adults do’nt look up.. we forget too.. J: children are the first ones in a theatre show to notice the dome ops way above them.. they point and point till fnially the adults look to see what they are pointing at J: i always try and remember to look up when ever i’m in a new place now.. V: *laughs* That’s cute. It must also be satisfying knowing that somebody appreciates what you do, too. Without, that is, just looking at the program and going « oh, yeah. The techs. Good work. » J: well i dunno.. i also like the idea that well we are doing a good job if they don’t know we are there at all, as its all part of the magic.. J: your not meant to think about us or know we are there.. as thats all part of the point.. J: but every time a kid notices, i always smile.. its just nice V: I suppose that’s true. It’s one of those ‘only a good job -if- nobody notices’ sort of things, yeah? J: yeah thats the one

Dans : personal
Par vitriolandpanic
Le 13 février, 2010
A 22:39
Commentaires : 0

 

Since my move to Melbourne, I’ve had alot of ppl ask me the question « So, are you glad you moved? » And this question always seems to come right after they have asked « Are you working yet? » , which I am by the way. I find it interesting, and heres my theory on it. I don’t think ppl thought i would actually go through with the move. I don’t think they thought i would actually go, and now that I’m here.. they are waiting for me to run back to Shepparton with my tail between my legs.. I could be wrong, but there you have it. Oh and I have no intention of going back any time soon. I like it here, I’ve succeeded it getting away from the small town crap that was pissing me off, and am actually out of the rut i was in and enjoying myself. Don’t get me wrong, I loved shepparton, and still do. But if you have to much of something you like, you’ll learn to hate it, so i got out for a while.
I realised this when I had a conversation with Vitriol the other evening about « Mind vs. Heart » conversation. Which would have been something great to discuss on here. I think thats the trouble, so many of conversations are spontanious and there for never make it to this site. I am going to have to think about a solution to this dilema.. perhaps just posting transcripts of our conversations here might be the solution.. so to start the ball rolling.. here is the above (edited only to protect others) « Mind vs. Heart » conversation, enjoy: J: i think its funny how the brain and the rest argue.. its a funny interesting thing.. J: we are very interesting creatures.. V: Yes, yes it is. I’m not so sure it’s often all that funny… perhaps in hindsight. But certainly interesting, i have not doubt. J: well not funny ‘ha ha’ but funny ‘weird’ J: i think its amazing the things ppl will tolerate, and ignore, .. and how we become blind in particular situations J: the human brain V: That is true. Although, I must admit, I never really found many of my feelings strange. I always knew what they meant, and why they were occurring. Perhaps that was why I could control them more easily. And you’re right; the logic in us will often revile the very person our ‘heart’ adores because of how they behave or act. It seems a constant battle. J: yeah never find them strange.. but its just something i was thinking about just now.. i think its what makes ppl do things they always thought them selves never capable of.. J: i dunno.. its mind vs. heart V: A friend of mine has a theory; that there are ‘head’ people and there are ‘heart’ people. Some are somewhat in-between. Or, to be a little clearer, there are degrees and extremes of both. I, for example, would be a ‘head’ person, because my logical mind is dominant over my desire and passion. Passionate people, however, lose much of their ability to be logical, especially when their passion is particularly ignited. V: Hehe… I’m glad I got that in first. *smirk* J: yes i’d definatly say that i’m probably a heart person…. well swaying more on that side anyway.. but your right, it tends to be only in the moment.. i’ll push away the head part and ignore it.. gets me into trouble *laugh* J: though i think i’ve grown from that somewhat V: To me, ‘head’ people often seem a little colder, harsher, and selfish than ‘heart’ people. Although far less self-effacing in their tendencies, and a little more honest about their true intentions, because they intrinsically (logically) -know- what they are. Heart people, I think, find themselves in trouble and in pain because they lack control over the situation, but ironically that’s because they’ve invested far more in it. J: see i agree and dissagree.. or more to the point correct somthing on that commeny.. heart ppl (well myself anyway) know what they are too.. and in the moment we choose to either ignore the logic or go for the « oh fuck it, i’ll think about it later, and just enjoy the moment » heart choise.. J: hense why heart ppl tend to be racked with guilt and worry about the effects our choices have on ourselves and other ppl V: Well that’s something I’ve always suspected, actually. That perhaps ‘head’ and ‘heart’ people both know darn well what’s going to happen, but ‘head’ people see themselves as being able to cooly assert themselves and make the ‘right’ decision, whereas ‘heart’ people tend to take a punt, or risk pain in order to experience the pleasure of the moment. J: yeah.. heart ppl risk more for the chance that regardless of all the logical and most probbable reason that it won’t turn out for the best.. that it just might turn out just wonderful V: Yeah, but how often does that happen? That’s my rationale. I reckon everyone begins as a ‘heart’ person, but only those who learn from their mistakes become ‘head’ people. *smirk* J: i think thats somtimes the case.. J: but thats makes it sound like heart ppl regret there decisions.. J: i may look back on somthing and say.. « ok maybe thay wasn’t the best idea as it didn’t go anywhere ».. but i don’t regret it.. whats done is done.. hehe… and atleast i had fun in that moment.. a head person wouldn’t have had the moment at all J: head ppl need a little heart or they won’t ever take chances.. J: every relationship is a risk.. « should i or shouldn’t i ask for her phone number? »… shes is brilliant and beautful and amazing, and chances are wiill shoot me down.. logically she’s tell me to rack off.. but what if.? V: Sometimes ‘heart’ people do regret their decisions. Sometimes ‘head’ people regret them, too. Mainly because they’ve been a right-old prick * . J: yeah.. *ahem* J: V: That’s also true… ‘heart’ people do tend to take the bull by the horns, so to speak, more often than ‘head’ people, because they’re willing to accept the risk to get the reward. V: Hehe… yeah, I thought you’d like that one ** . J: sorry, couldn’t help it.. *** J: but that also goes back to the whole blind thing.. heart ppl tend to be the ones that become blind.. J: though in that case it wasn’t blindness it was nieveity **** J: how ever you spell it J: ah well.. V: It’s like anything; there are advantages and disadvantages to both. Sometimes it’s better to be a ‘head’ person, sometimes it’s better to be a ‘heart’ person. J: yeah and i think we do swing both ways.. V: Yep. Like I said, there’s degrees. And ‘heart’ people will, in some circumstances act like ‘head’ people, and vice versa. There’s no overriding rule, but I think most people ‘tend’ toward one or the other. J: i find that when i’m attracted to a more « head » person… i tend to go all heart.. but when its another heart person.. i’m probably more « head ».. as if i go heart too it could turn out really nasty V: Well, that’s right. Two ‘head’ people are going to be picky, methodical and cold toward one another. They’ll be trying to second-guess and work out the other person’s objective from day one. Two ‘heart’ people will abandon everything they own and desire for the chance to be together as often as possible, even if the whole thing breaks down in a few weeks. J: well i found that i think its cos with the heart ppl who fall for me.. my head goes.. what if i don’t fall for you as much as you fall for me.. thats not fair on you.. i cna’t hurt you.. its strange V: I know what you mean. It’s as if you can see ‘em coming a mile away, and think « shit, I’ll have to be nice and open with this person because if I’m not, they’re liable to get hurt, because they’re all heart ». Which might also infer that they have no trouble abandoning everything to make your life hell for a while, also. J: yeah.. J: like when partically drops there whole life to please me.. freaks me out.. that much heart is scray.. i mean geez.. be your own person please.. V: Hehe… indeed. J: *smiles* * Vitriol and I once had issues, we actually stopped talking to each other due to these issues for like two years ** but where over it now, and better friends than we ever were *** and now joke about the situation **** and use it as a reference in our dicussions hehe.  I’ve also been wondering have you ever tried lilash in the uk?  It seems like that stuff is impossible to get here in Australia.  Everything’s so much more expensive when you’re separated from the rest of the world.

Dans : personal
Par vitriolandpanic
Le
A 22:33
Commentaires : 0

 

the grass is always greener

now thats just sad isn’t it.. *sigh* its the grass is always greener thing isnt it.. but in an mtv world like ours, no one wnats to leave the grass they have to check out the other good grass, so they just make themselves believe that the grass they have is the best, why would they want to go try that other grass..
Knowing you are who you are and how they expect you to react, a lot of people probably want to hear from you how miserable life in the city is, how you’re not glad you moved, so that they can feel better about their own petty existence. If you aren’t enjoying Melbourne, then where they live must be better, mustn’t it? So, they pester you about what’s wrong with Melbourne. A lot of people my fiancee knows pull the same stunt; they want to hear that the city is a filthy, trashy, miserable place to justify their prejudices against it. Just as a lot of people I know from the city want to know why I visit the country. Because they too have a prejudice, this time against the no-frills, grotty, uncivilised rural banality.

Dans : personal,society
Par vitriolandpanic
Le
A 22:29
Commentaires : 0

 

Sheeple

Ha ha ha!! That is it exactly, only in Jube terminology. *grin* The sentiment is exactly correct. People don’t want to have to move, they don’t want to get off their fat arses to see if there’s somewhere better to go, something better to do. They just want what they’ve got to be the best. And they’re so scared that it isn’t that they are prepared to go to great lengths to ensure that they feel nice and secure about their apparently thrilling, perfect lives. That is why television tells us we’re doing the right thing… to keep the flock of sheep in line, to keep the masses perpetually believing their patch is just as good as the next, when really it stinks. Of course, there are always a few brave souls who bother getting off their patch and finding a new one. Sight unseen, it could be a big clod of dirt, but at least it’s something new. In time, they might grow their own grass, some really, really green stuff.

Dans : personal
Par vitriolandpanic
Le
A 22:10
Commentaires : 0

 

My First Magnetic Poetry Haiku

Having discovered one of the Little People’s latest crazes is actually a form of poetry, I thought I might indulge myself. My first Haiku (or whatever it’s called) was thus born: Money, little death The corporate devourer Death, little money I think it sums up much of the world quite nicely.

Dans : poem
Par vitriolandpanic
Le
A 22:09
Commentaires : 0